There is an old joke about the old priest (choose the denomination and theology to suit your target) who, on his death bed, summons his bank manager and his solicitor to his side. Both men come, curious as to what they are required for, and after a while when courtesy has been observed, both ask why each is there as there seems no professional service they can perform at this time. And it is then that the wily old bugger pulls himself up to breathe his last, and just before he does so, says "Our Lord met His End with a thief and a robber at his right and his left hand and I felt the need to do the same"
And it is with that thought that I turn to today's 6pm News.
Let us begin with the story of Bradley Wernham
Wernham aged 19 appeared before a judge at Chelmsford Court last October charged with a number of burglaries and promptly put on an act pleading that he wanted a chance to "wipe the slate clean" and asked for over six hunded and forty similar offences to be taken into consideration. Jeez he is the original one man crime wave. Pleading that he had "lost his way" this little shite spun a tale of a wretched life since his first appearance in court eight years earlier at the age of eleven.
And the stupid bastard of a judge swallowed the gobshite's load of bollocks hook line and sinker and had him handed a flat rent free and ordered him to do unpaid work to change his ways.
The police were not conned though. Within a very short time they caught him red handed bang to rights doing yet another burglary. And this time, the judge did what he should have done long ago and banged him up.
19 and famous on live TV for being the most prolific petty criminal in Essex. He'll he appearing on Channel Five next month, mark my words.
And speaking of appearing on live TV, step forward and look lively there Mr Terrence Read
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Mr Read began claiming disability benefits in 1995 when he was genuinely ill, but neglected to point out to his benefactors that his condition markedly improved to the point where he could not only partake in, but also teach jazz dance. It is claimed that Mr Read made no false declarations when continuing to receive the benefits he was originally fully entitled to, but somehow, looking at the last page of every one of my tax returns where you have to sign on the dotted line I have a hard time believing that.