"You have reached your destination" says the siren voice straight out of the Odyessy of Homer, the siren voice Homer's hero strapped himself to the ship's mast so as to ignore.
I cast a doubtful look around, view the mud, horse and sheep dung that liberally covers the surface of the field beyond the five bar gate at which I pull up. "Oh dear" I think. "I hope the satnav is wrong". But in fact I know it is right. I drove here on the satnav ten minutes ago, decided it couldn't possibly be in that crap-filled field, and drove away to retrace my steps manually from the redirection instructions ... and now here I was, back outside that farm gate.
But then I spot a figure wandering down the road about three hundred yards away. As he draws near, I see his walkie-talkie and earpiece. "I'm looking for the Summer School" I say. "I thought you might be" says the BNP security man "Quite a few have stopped here and looked puzzled". I'll hop in and show you where we are .....
Thus begins my first day at my first summer school as a BNP branch organiser. Yes I've been volunteered. No I didn't run away fast enough.
After a three hour drive half of which was truly exhilarating allowing me to relive my days of throwing a car around a rally circuit in the mid wales mountains I drive up to the car park and arive at Marquee #1 just in time to hear Arthur Kemp's opening address.
Arthur was the warm up act for our Chairman who led a session that went under the working title "clearing the air". Now I'll be perfectly honest with you I'm not sure it really did, but I say that because my afternoon was spent in a discussion which for me cleared everything, bit more of that later.
About 160 people were seated to hear Our Chairman address them, the party faithul, after what may not quite be an "annus horribilis" but sure as hell qualifies as the month or two from hell. I won't bother going into too many details but I think one of the things Mr Grifin spoke of was a perfect example.
As I said earlier, about 160 people were sitting in this Marquee, which, The Chairman said, our enemies had tried to make out he had bought with EU Expenses laundered for his daughter's wedding. The truth, however, is that Mr Griffin and his fellow MEP Andrew Brons had decided to pool the profit margin from their combined EU Travel expenses to buy it and then give it to the party and for the constituency. This is money every other MEP cheerully "trousers". I don't know how much a marquee costs but if other MEP's are making that much personal wealth just from the endless travelling that two-site circus does, no wonder they can't understand our outrage at the price of fuel.
The truth is, said The Chairman, we bought this out of what would be for any other MEP considered their private income, and now it is available for any constituent who might need it - and some have been grateful or it - and for party functions such as this. "So", he continued, "If anyone in here still thinks this marquee was bought out of laundered fiddled EU funds, Would they please take their chairs and sit outside".
Right on queue, Loki, Thor and Odin did their stuff. The clouds that had darkened over us chose that moment to bucket down. Or if you prefer, Jehovah decided he'd teach us a lesson and this time there wasn't any gopher wood. An hour later the our red enemies would begin furiously blogging "that flooding on a scale not seen outside pakistan had caused our summer school to be abandoned".
Bull-Shit. What happenned was that to a man and woman we huddled a foot closer together while storm-lashed security men fixed the sides to the marquee, a symbolic gesture that I only later realised left everyone inside the tent warm and dry and absolutely NO-ONE on the outside pissing into it through the windows.
Nick Griffin proceeded to deliver an address after which he took questions and we proceeded to a buffet lunch and the first of four workshops. I had been asked to attend Clive Jefferson's opening presentation on the new BNP election and canvassing website, which turned out to be a DOUBLE session at which those of an IT bent were "recruited" to the team that will be responsible for onward development and rollout in time for next year. I later found I'd been volunteered for this long before I actually volunteered.
At the same time Our Chairman led a session on the principles on which our party is founded, while Arthur Kemp led another on Publicity, others covered handling Election Day, ideas for making use of Postal Voting, an Introduction to Becoming a Training Officer, and still more.
After a break for afternoon tea, I decided to go and listen to our National Treasurer and one of our new Scrutiny Committee explain the purpose of the new initiatives the party has put in place to hear, and act upon, genuine concerns of members.
And I will tell you now that I pulled no punches and took no prisoners. But for those of you reading this blog I am afraid I am going to tell you little more.
Some of you reading this may think me a hopeless idealist, a romantic unable to see the reality under his nose. Others may know I have spent six years in medical reserch some of which involved the purification of an enzyme to inject into your bloodstream to save your bacon if you have a heart attack. The enzyme was prototyped from tissue extracted from bull's testicles. I assure you therefore I have proessional experience of recognizing bull shit and bull's bollocks when I see it and I tell you now inside that tent I saw and heard neither.
What I heard in that tent was a man with no need for party funds to aid his personal financial position, secured through years of experience running his own large businesses employing many staff, tell me how he, along with two others, of equal financial standing and business acumen and experience have been called upon to become a new team to be the sharp end of the policy this party has believed in for some time, that "Good News Should Be Handed Down" but that "Bad News Should Be Handed UP".
Which means we have a heirarchy, from members through Branch Area and Regional Organiser and up the chain. Which means that if a member has a problem, or a question, or a complaint, or an "exposee" then the place to take it is not The "Democracy" Forum, or some dodgy bar, or an even dodgier blog. And not even here.
No, the place to take it is to your next level of party officer. It is their duty to acknowledge your concern, address it if they can, or pass it up the line to be addressed. And you are entitled to a response. And if you don't get one, you are etitled to raise the stakes and take it higher. If all else has demonstrably failed, you have the right to bring it to one of these people in their new role. And they WILL look at what you say. And they HAVE teeth. And they are doing it for the party, not to any individual.
And while you may not find their considered response to your liking, you will get it.
I took the opportunity to ask our National Treasurer some very pointed questions and I got some direct and to me seemingly honest answers. Questions about our accounts past and present, our level of indebtedness, our auditors, our failure to deliver audited accounts to the Electoral Commission as we should have and more. I believed every word I was told in return.
Which is why I'm not going to tell you a single word of it here.
No, there was no secret agreement that what got said in that tent stayed in that tent.
But this is how it works from now on. Actually it's what some of us have been doing all along. If any member reading this wants to know what we discussed, put your question to your organiser. If they don't know the answer, have them email me at my NEW, OFFICIAL BNP email address and I'll be delighted to fill them in - once I've cleared it with my line of command of course.
But I tell you this now, anything I do say as a result will be prefixed with a question "WHY were YOU not sitting next to me in the tent when I asked the question". If any DONOR reading this has a queston, PM me using this site's message system and I will do my best to find the appropriate person to answer your enquiry.
And to anyone who isn't a party member, or a donor, who is curious as to our indebtedness, or our organisation, when you put the answers the Tories, Labour, Plaid, SNP UKIP and the UAF give you to those same questions up on a blog somewhere, I'll do you the courtesy of telling you. But not before. And because you won't get those details from any of those organisations, you won't get them about us from me here.
The evening ended with a most appetising hog roast dinner and some singing that started off most melodic - until the full efect of the offerings of the bar that were used to wash down the hog roast took effect.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow and to the days and weeks that follow with the party in professional hands with a group of people empowered to deliver results.
I haven't been this optimistic for quite a while.
SUNDAY dawned bright and sunny with the sounds of church bells in what could have been St Mary Meade straight put of Miss Marple without the body count. Because I had paid for a hotel room - and a plusher one in a plusher hotel - than our Wales Organiser sorted for himself !!
I slept like a New Labour Prime Minister unconcerned at the growing piles of bodies slaughtered in his name.
The morning session was taken up by a double helping of discusuons with organisers and officials over what the new BNP Election Data system would do for them, and then a session with the people running Solidarity including a discussion of their latest successes. And there will be more.
A lunch break was followed by a photo session and the Chairman's rousing address.
And then it was all over.
Well, not quite. The Indigenous Forum Family Weekend will take place next week and the marquees had to be reorganised. Fourteen stalwarts (myself included) grabbed a pole and two full sized marquees were marched one at a time across the field to new "moorings" by the riverbank. Well, thirteen stalwarts holding the poles were guided by a chairman blaring instructions through a bull horn.
We like to let him think he is in charge of such operations. The view from inside the tent however told the real story..... one word from the chairman, and the tent did exactly what it pleased.
There was a time - and not so long ago - when I feared the party was going the same way as that marquee blowing in the wind. But no longer.
Your Newest Recruit to the ranks of Branch Organiser, God Help Me.